Dating a man during divorce

13 Nov

And while many would look at our situation and consider the single girl the “loser”, I found myself celebratory and proud of the individual places we had found ourselves.And now that I have a son of my own and a family of my own, I am able to take what I learned from this dating experience and apply it to the relationship I now share with the man of my dreams.While he contemplated all the choices he made and the failures he experienced and the happiness he once felt, I was left in the dark; incapable of comprehending just how difficult that limbo is and was.love with his estranged wife, he would always love her.I am able to be patient when I need to be and share my son’s father with the people who matter to him.I’m able to swallow my pride and realize that winning arguments is not the most important and that, while we are relatively close in age, it’s our shared interests and paralleled desires that matter most.When I moved back to my hometown we spent a lot of time together, I spent a lot of time with his son, and I spent a lot of time listening to him explain the circumstances surrounding his divorce, and the pains that inevitably followed. And while it wasn’t a relationship that lasted a substantial period of time, it was a relationship that taught me a great deal about myself, about what I wanted, and about the difficulties of dating someone who was once legally committed.

As a dating coach/expert, what do you think of the idea of dating someone who is still in the process of divorce?

While were close in years lived, we were lifetimes apart in terms of wants and desires and expectations.

He had already experienced the comfort of a wife and a house and a routine while I was still looking for the excitement of a new relationship, void of necessities or boundaries or plans.

I wrote about this extensively here, in a post called “When Do You Begin Dating Again After a Long-Term Relationship or Marriage? And you’re certainly not ready to love with reckless abandon. So, Sara, like most situations that stymie my readers, the answer isn’t as obvious as “dump him” or “go for it.” It depends on the man, the nature of his divorce, his emotional availability, and his ability to get in touch with himself.

”In it, I concluded that it’s up to the individual. And just cause you WANT to move on from your previous relationships does not mean you’re really READY to. Generally, if you’re dating immediately after divorce, you’re hurt, reeling and looking for a safe harbor in the storm that is singledom. He thought he was ready for another committed relationship but needed a break before moving ahead. He told her he’d come back after he had time to sort things out. Very reasonable men want to love again, and are shocked to find out that it’s not possible.