Intimidating other women

03 May

A shy guy, even one who wishes women would be more assertive and take the initiative, can have a low threshold when it comes to directness and energy.

Similarly, if a man is interested in a woman who’s more in line with the idea of more traditionally feminine or lady-like behavior, he isn’t going to make for a good boyfriend for an outgoing, dominant or non-traditional lady.

And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t someone looking for geeky attention or a propped up fantasy. But “intimidating” is almost uselessly vague, especially if they keeps coming up; it covers a multitude of meanings to the point that it means everything and nothing at once.

She has a job she loves that pays good money, money that she likes to spend on her geeky hobbies and toys. – she hears the same thing over and over again: “You’re too intimidating…” Does this sound familiar to you? In fact, going by the number of emails I get from my readers, it’s most common issue that geek (or geek-curious) women encounter when they’re interested in dating.

However, a conversation between two people, especially if it’s between two people who are interested in each other romantically, doesn’t have to be a particularly contentious episode of .

It’s possible to have a debate – even a spirited one – without making the other person feel as though they’re being harangued or talked down to.

She’s done it all; dating sites, meeting guys at cons, the comic store, chatting up friends from class and at work.

If a woman keeps hearing from men that she’s “intimidating”, what is she supposed to do – besides start approaching men who have more self-confidence and fewer issues?

She’s geeky to her Joss-Whedon-loving core, a Whovian, Vertigo-reading, 3rd edition D&D (none of that 4th ed crap thank you very much) gamer with the con stories to prove it. While it’s true that many men will use it as a polite dodge to avoid saying “I’m not attracted to you”, when it comes up over and over again, it’s a sign that maybe there’s more to it.

Showing genuine interest or honest appreciation in his accomplishments or hobbies can also help him overcome feelings of “What could she possibly see in me?

” And I do mean genuine; shy, geeky guys are perpetually concerned that people are secretly making fun of them.