Women dating more than one man thirty something dating

26 Nov

But, is it just me that wonders what happened to dating one person at a time? What is this whole ‘But what if he’s not the one and I’m missing out on one of the other guys that could be? However, you are making a rather large rod for your own back because unless you have hide of a rhino and don’t really care about how other people feel, it can get pretty damn messy with the whole multiple dating thing.

’ Are you supposed to know if someone is the one on the first few dates? If you’re keeping your options open and sitting on the fence dating several people, how can you be emotionally available enough to get to know these people and determine whether you can date one? If you’re someone who has had a pattern of being involved with, for instance, emotionally unavailable men or assclowns, or has a penchant for getting carried away with illusionary relationships, multiple dating is heartbreak, ambiguity, and confusion on acid.

Over at Refinery29, the editors have put together a guide with stories from real women who share their tips on how to figure out if a dating rotation is right for you, plus tips to help you get really good at all that juggling.

Over the past few weeks in particular, I’ve had quite a few readers tell me that they’re dating multiple people, something I find exhausting just thinking about it, but at the same time rather fascinating because I find that people give me all sorts of reasons for they do it: I’m just experimenting with dating. Remember how you didn’t like it when Mr Unavailable had a narcissistic harem of women he was dipping in and out of for an ego stroke? It’s where you discover the facts that will help you determine whether you should green light, date some more and potentially move into a relationship, or whether you should red light and abort the mission.

But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with spending Monday night with Matt, Tuesday with Tom, and Wednesday with Will.

In fact a number of women have said to me that they’re afraid of wasting time, while at the same time feeling that time is running out, so they’re trying to effectively compact, for example, what would be a years worth of dating for another person, into a couple of months. It may feel like you’re auditioning them for what you feel is the big job of being ‘The One’ but you and they are people with feelings, libidos, imaginations, and love habits that may be counterproductive to you actually getting the relationship you want – adding several people to the mix just makes it messy.

Or you’ll quickly hop on your laptop and start flirting up a storm on a dating site, quickly filling up your diary with dates and attention so that any rejection you’re feeling is quickly blocked out. You’ll experience times when you think you want a relationship with one of them but you’ll agonise about killing off the other attention sources and feel nervy of committing.

This is where we overblow commitment as there are various levels of commitment, and really, in dating one person, you commit, not to marrying them or promising forever more, but you commit to giving it a shot and seeing how things go one on one.

You’re committing to courtesy and you’re also committing to removing ambiguity about stuff like ‘Am I the only person they’re sleeping with?

’ And here is the big question: Do you want to perpetuate the very behaviour that drives you insane when you’re on the receiving end of it?